Authentic interaction

One thing that’s been going on with me recently is just a complete lack of patience for people that I don’t like, and usually if I’m not liking someone these days, it’s probably because I think that they suck at life in one or more ways.

Sometimes I just can’t fucking stand people.  I can’t stand people who are overly negative or complaining, or awkward, or uptight or any number of perceived flaws.  So I dislike them.  And then what does this end up doing?  I begin to focus on these people’s flaws instead of their strengths.  I focus on what they could be doing better rather than what they are already doing perfectly well.  It’s really just my own personal standards and expectations that I’m putting onto other people.  And it doesn’t work for anyone; this type of thinking is a negative experience for both people.

On a deeper level, it’s what these people can’t do for me due to their flaws.  I can’t enjoy a fun interaction with this person if they’re negative.  I can’t enjoy a pleasant conversation if they’re complaining and talking at me.  I can’t have in-depth talks and learn something if they’re skimming by on the surface of life.

Ideally we all stop thinking about what other people can do for us, and start thinking about what you can do for other people.  Offering value rather than taking value.  I think that along a path to mastery in anything, in order to keep progressing past a certain point you need to become a teacher as well as a student.  You must always still remain a student, but at some point you need to start passing on your knowledge and gifts as well.

So offer value.  Think about what you can do for them.  And the best thing that you can do for anyone is to be present and see the world with as few mental filters as you can.  Not judge someone for their flaws or focus on them, but to take in that person as a whole, and interact from there.  Be kind towards their flaws, just the same way that you should be with yourself.  How you interact with other people is a direct reflection of how you interact with yourself after all.


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5 responses to “Authentic interaction”

  1. adifferentpace says :

    So I finished typing this post last night, and then waited for one more edit today before posting it, but already just bringing awareness to this issue has shown positive results.

    Today at work, a couple people that had been bothering me for one reason or another, I made the conscious decision not to focus on the negative, but rather to interact authentically and without previous mental filters. To see the good in people and to have fun. To have your own fun regardless of other people’s reactions to you; i.e. not to ping off of them.

    And just today I could feel the relationship build with said individuals as well as with everyone else because you are already in a good joking mood, rather than frustrated by nonsense. Rock on.

  2. physiojoanna says :

    Nice! I like your insights, particularly your suggestion to shift away from thinking “what can I get from you” to “what can I do for you”. It’s a small inner shift with big results on the outside. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    • adifferentpace says :

      Definitely, it’s those deep set inner beliefs and scripts we run off of that everything else flows from, so changing those absolutely has a huge impact. Thanks for reading and I’m glad you liked it 🙂

  3. Dmitriy says :

    I think it’s said that in the first 10 seconds of meeting someone you make like 7 judgments about them and don’t even know that you’re doing it. Lots of good stuff. With so many people in this world there come with it billions of opinions, ideas, and perspectives. You can’t please everyone

    • adifferentpace says :

      Yea I wanted to stay away from the word ‘judgment’ in this piece just because it conjures up a lot of things that I wasn’t necessarily talking about here, but alas the word still slipped in there once or twice.

      It’s not so much about judging when you first meet someone since that’s only natural and human, and also can be a matter of your safety, i.e. when a situation or person seems unsafe and you need to be prepared to defend yourself or run.

      This piece was more about the ongoing relationship and interactions that you have with people and where it’s coming from.

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