Sometimes I fee…
Sometimes I feel like I need just a little bit of reassurance, reassurance that the path I’ve chosen and the life I’m living will lead me to where I want to go.
Where do I want to go? I want to live a fulfilled life, full of work that I enjoy and people that I enjoy being with. I want to be appreciative of everything that I have and I want to continue to admire the simple things in life and wonder about the complexities and mysteries.
My biggest fear is to become one of those old or even middle-aged people that I see far too often; the people that you (or at least I) can spot a mile away. The people who are so disillusioned by the world around them and have a giant sign on their forehead that says “I’m no longer with it”. So much of what I’m doingthese days is done in an effort to not become this, but maybe I need to start moving towards something I want rather than simply avoiding something I don’t.
As much of a pussy as it may make me sound, I want to feel love. And not just love for a girl, but a deep love for everything and everyone around me. To be one of those people that can look at someone who is being nasty and yelling, and not see the ugliness that they are putting out into the world, but rather to see the beauty in them as a person and as part of the common humanity.
It’s funny because as into personal development as I am, whenever I read some like uplifting story online with everyone else commenting on it saying ‘Yea! You go!’, it just makes me want to barf, and even this post up to this point has been borderline for me, but fuck it that’s what’s flowing off my fingertips at the moment.
Really the point of a lot of what I’m writing here is just to allow people better ease of understanding what’s going on in my head and what I’m doing with my life. Perhaps I’m being too presumptuous with how many people would really care that much, but again, fuck it, this is for me and if people want to read it that’s great, but if not at least I can point to it and say that everything is spelled out right there.
So yea I guess that’s that. Just living my life and progressing forward, often with a slight worry that I’m not living it the right way and always wondering if there’s something better for me out there, but hey at least I’m doing something.
And for anyone who’s reading leave a comment! Let me know if any of this resonated with you or share with us some similar experiences you may have had 🙂