Sometimes I fee…

Sometimes I feel like I need just a little bit of reassurance, reassurance that the path I’ve chosen and the life I’m living will lead me to where I want to go.

Where do I want to go?  I want to live a fulfilled life, full of work that I enjoy and people that I enjoy being with.  I want to be appreciative of everything that I have and I want to continue to admire the simple things in life and wonder about the complexities and mysteries.

My biggest fear is to become one of those old or even middle-aged people that I see far too often; the people that you (or at least I) can spot a mile away.  The people who are so disillusioned by the world around them and have a giant sign on their forehead that says “I’m no longer with it”.  So much of what I’m doingthese days is done in an effort to not become this, but maybe I need to start moving towards something I want rather than simply avoiding something I don’t.

As much of a pussy as it may make me sound, I want to feel love.  And not just love for a girl, but a deep love for everything and everyone around me.  To be one of those people that can look at someone who is being nasty and yelling, and not see the ugliness that they are putting out into the world, but rather to see the beauty in them as a person and as part of the common humanity.

It’s funny because as into personal development as I am, whenever I read some like uplifting story online with everyone else commenting on it saying ‘Yea! You go!’, it just makes me want to barf, and even this post up to this point has been borderline for me, but fuck it that’s what’s flowing off my fingertips at the moment.

Really the point of a lot of what I’m writing here is just to allow people better ease of understanding what’s going on in my head and what I’m doing with my life.  Perhaps I’m being too presumptuous with how many people would really care that much, but again, fuck it, this is for me and if people want to read it that’s great, but if not at least I can point to it and say that everything is spelled out right there.

So yea I guess that’s that.  Just living my life and progressing forward, often with a slight worry that I’m not living it the right way and always wondering if there’s something better for me out there, but hey at least I’m doing something.

And for anyone who’s reading leave a comment!  Let me know if any of this resonated with you or share with us some similar experiences you may have had 🙂 

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4 responses to “Sometimes I fee…”

  1. mysticmegclark says :

    Your thoughts on love resonate with me, I think that so often people put on masks, or try to hide behind fear, pain or anger. But to truly see someone is a wonderful expression of love.

    • adifferentpace says :

      Yes absolutely. So many people are also too comfortable skating by on the surface and not seeing the depth in anything. Once you get a taste for the depth that life can contain, living on the surface and talking about the weather or just mundane facts is akin to purgatory. Anyways though, I don’t mean to trash the way other people are living, just more to talk about how incredible the depth of the world can be and to open up the conversation to how to further this in our lives.

  2. Dmitriy says :

    good thoughts turning into a great blog, I wonder if the reassurance will grow with your blog….every entry bringing a touch of clarity. Different people express themselves in various ways some through song, some through a painting, and you are through this blog. It’s not easy to be honest with yourself and reflect on yourself especially for all to see. Blog On! Rob Blog On!

    • adifferentpace says :

      Dude thank you for your support, it really means a lot. And yea the whole being honest and reflecting for everyone to see is really a large part of the reason for me to start this because it does take a certain amount of strength to be able to do so, and by doing so you are generating that exact strength.

      Plus if you take these things that are close to your heart that may be painful, by exposing them in the light they really lose a certain amount of their painful magnitude. “The more personal the wound, the more universal the wound”. By talking about these things you realize on a fundamental level that other people are going through the same stuff and so you no longer make an identity out of it and self-acceptance grows. Thanks again for reading 🙂

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