This is a crazy world we live in, this life.  In the past few months I’ve had these weird experiences where for a split second I feel like I can really see the world and I can see reality for what it is, or moreover I can feel this reality and I can see my surroundings with an incredible laser-like clarity.

And then just as quick as it came on, it’s gone, and all you can do is smile and move on.  I wonder if one day I’ll be able to sustain this feeling for more than a fleeting moment, but then again maybe that would just ruin the specialness of it.

It’s sad to me when I see people who are so incredibly far from having any experience of this sort; people who are so unhappy and miserable with their lives, not realizing that being happy is a choice and all you need to do is show your mind that it’s a choice and at the time they’re simply choosing to be upset.

I wish that I could help them in some way, just one little thing to help guide them in the right direction, but the problem runs so deep that I wouldn’t even know where to start.

It’s weird too, me being all introverted like this at the moment.  I’ve been so introverted in the past so I’m no stranger to it, but recently I’ve been so busy and go go go that I haven’t had the time, but it is refreshing to come back.  One thing I’ve realized recently is that people who are very introverted and whose thoughts weigh them down also put the weight of their thoughts on other people when they interact with them.  You can feel their burden, and so on the contrary interacting with extroverted people can be so light and easy.

Not to say that I’m not without fault though, for much of my life I’ve been a depressive.  It’s gotten far better in recent times, but still once in a while it can come back to say hi.  When it does, I just wait for a moment of clarity and ask myself why I’m feeling this way, with usually little reason to be depressed and almost always more reason to be happy (it all depends on what you’re focusing on) my only hope and saving grace is that I have developed enough control of my mind to direct it where I want it to go.

I want to feel more love in my life, or maybe just more of a connection with something.  I feel like I’ve developed such a strong appreciation for so many things in this world, but I still don’t really feel like I’ve developed the right kind of people in my life to share this appreciation with.  The easy way out is to say that they don’t exist, but the healthy and effective method is to look at yourself.  Maybe you’re just not opening yourself up to these types of relationships.  Closing down.  Self-preservation.

Maybe that’s why I won’t stop on my journey of social dynamics, even though sometimes I wonder if its the right way.  Wonder and questioning of this sort though is an activity that should be reserved for brief moments, and then followed by taking action in some sort of direction.  So for now this is my life, and given the circumstances I think that the pros of it definitely outweigh the cons.


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